The grudge

You’ve seen that movie, right? Either the original Japanese version, or the remake? Personally, I really dislike horror movies, but this one plays right into human psychodrama. The wronged person, who comes back from the Great Beyond, to wreak vengeance. Who hasn’t thought such things at one time or another? “I’d like to haunt them,” or “I’d love for that person to know MY suffering!”

It applies everywhere, and I’d even venture to say that it has to do with jealousy more than anything. Someone hurts you, and they keep on living their life, never seeming to have “karma” visit their doorstep. We’ve had that in our lives, we all have. Just yesterday, someone I know “outed” her bullies from years ago, when we were in high school. She said that they had “no souls”, that she “wouldn’t accept” apologies from them now….

I immediately contacted her privately to express my concern over naming people on social media like that, especially in light of the face that it’s been over 20 years since we were in school. We were ALL self-centered jerks back in our teens, don’t try to tell me we weren’t. And one of the people she’d named was someone who, in my opinion, was just an ordinary mean girl who had outgrown it.

“How do you know,” you ask? Well…she was one of the first people I came across when I delved into Facebook, and discovered to my horror that she had just lost her child to cancer. A child who was only a few months older than my own child. In spite of the pain, somehow she and her husband had managed to shake off the haze and start a foundation to help other families coping with the same thing.

So no, I do not believe she is the same person, any more than I am who I was. But what of that moment of public naming, and claiming that this woman has “no soul”?

Look, I was bullied too, I told my friend, though I didn’t share the extent of it – who wants to have their pain compared to someone else’s? By the time I graduated, nobody intimidated me anymore (helped that I was taller, and that the football team knew I could bench and lat pull better than half of them, lol) – and made sure to stick up for kids who needed it (not that I was perfect, either) – I wish she’d told me that this was happening, I said to her, because I didn’t actually see anything.

We were lucky, by the way. Twenty years ago, we didn’t have to worry about our bullies following us into our homes, via the internet. But I don’t see the point in staying angry…just in talking about what happened, so that it has less power over us.

Let’s face it…we’re forever works in progress. Pointing a finger straight at myself, here. Work in progress! Screws up a lot! Heart on my sleeve! BUT – has compassion for those who have lashed out. Truth. Won’t stop – and teach my kids that as often as possible – as well as to look for the kids who need some kind words, and give it to them. We can only try. We won’t be perfect at it, but at least the effort will be felt.

 

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