The runaway train

Yes, so I keep getting derailed. This time was my own fault, for agreeing to put together the 5th grade “yearbook” for the PTO at my son’s school. I guilted myself into it, because the co-presidents have energetically manhandled every other task and event at the school, while I, the vice president, have responded to the jobs I’ve felt capable of managing. Somewhere in this year, I have realized how little energy I have for doing multiple tasks. Watching other parents, I can only assume that this must be an inborn capacity; this seemingly boundless, bottomless wellspring of energy that they have and I do not.

I can only see that this has been one of my longstanding problems. It was a huge problem during college, but I still graduated, mostly due to dogged determination. But I sit and wonder now whether it’s purely because of ADD, never diagnosed, they didn’t have that label when I was in school: I know it’s there. Or is it a function of something else? My guess is the ADD, which leaves me trying to figure out how the heck to defeat it rather than the other way round.

I’ve tried all sorts of remedies, from date books, to-do lists, midday coffees…I would never consider meds, but there has to be a better solution than my current one of: procrastination, or panic, or being overwhelmed and never able to think straight. *sigh* Some days I can really get focused, hammer out a task, and feel like I’m seeing the whole day and how it should go. Usually it works better if I have a plan from the beginning of the day, or a partner 🙂

Through the years, I have tried to be less rigid than I used to be about schedules – because it seemed to irritate everyone that I had expectations for when, where, how, et cetera. I didn’t want to fall into the type A, micromanaging, control freak zone that…ahem…some persons (I share DNA with) have always been like. Perhaps the deal is finding a happy medium. But again, every time I try to plan, and things go awry – as they tend to with kids in the mix – I get someone like my husband reminding me to stop trying to plan. So what do I do? I like being able to roll with the punches, but it seems to feed into this little weakness I have. And I think I’m talking in circles now…probably another sign of that which afflicts my feeble mind.

And while I’ve been editing photos and going mad, slowly, I had another book idea pop into mind. Something else to cloud the magic mirror of the mind! I may get this right someday, probably when I’m 103 and it’ll be the night before I drift off into the ether….


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